Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Familiar, yet unknown.
Excited, yet anxious.
This is the swirl going on inside me as I gear up to go back to the zoo. (It's been just over a year since I hit my head & began the saga of eye surgeries, movement restrictions & a fairly pissy depression)
This swirl feels painfully similar to that feeling you get on the Sunday before school starts again in the fall. You had fun last year- what's the prob? Why does this feeling seem to never go away, but simply evolve right along with you? It becomes the nervous stomach that sometimes comes from going back to work after a long vacation. You enjoy your job & have fun with your co-workers -what's the prob? (I hope you do enjoy what you do & the people you do it with- I do)
How can I have a fear of change, when what I'm changing to is what I was originally doing before things changed? I've been off from work a year-but I've been there for 12! (Or is it only 11-because I've been off a year : )
I found a quote recently that describes my beliefs about fear fairly well. I used to "feel the fear & do it anyway"-but that only took me so far. This one fits me better:
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the judgment that something else is more important."
I love the thought of taking away some of fear's importance. Everything that I'm going for right now is totally worth pushing thru those fears & being unstoppable.
I've spent the past two nites in our tent in the backyard thinkin' thoughts & breathin' breaths.
Funny how sleeping on the ground is so beneficial for me.
I can get to calm & happy quicker now.

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Mahalo for sharing your thoughts.